


Come Home, My Angel

by notetome



Category: Emmerdale, robron
Genre: Angst, Grieving, Guilt, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self Harm, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-16
Updated: 2015-08-16
Packaged: 2018-04-15 01:20:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,085
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4587624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/notetome/pseuds/notetome
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the helicopter crash, Robert struggles to control Aaron as he grieves for his lost cousin.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Come Home, My Angel

‘Hey.’ Robert croaked through his morning yawns, making his way through the kitchen to where Aaron was stood. He was gazing, out of focus, towards the newspaper lying on the counter. Robert’s hand landed on his shoulder and snapped Aaron out of his daze.

‘Uh- Hi.’ Aaron turned to face Robert, meanwhile thumping his elbow on the marble counter. He yelled out in pain as Robert dragged him forwards into his chest, rubbing and soothing his elbow. Aaron hadn’t been the same after the helicopter crash at the Village hall. He dipped in and out of emotions; between relief of people not dying and guilt of people dying.

As ever, he carried the guilt on his shoulders. It wasn’t his fault. There had been an unexpected arson attack at the Scrapyard and Aaron blamed himself, for different parts every day.

‘I should have been there,’ or ‘the gas canisters should have been moved.’ All of his excuses were inevitable and couldn’t change what had happened. Robert was almost infuriated by the fact that Aaron kept beating himself up because, no matter how many times he told him, Aaron never listened.

‘You’re okay.’ Robert whispered into Aaron’s hair as he came down from the pain in this elbow. Robert didn’t just mean it about his elbow; he meant it in general. Aaron would be okay because Robert wanted to protect him, so fiercely, with everything. They had been through a lot over the past few months. After Chrissie found out about the affair, Robert chose Aaron - Aaron chose Robert - and they managed to find a small, one-bedroomed flat together. Chas was slowly coming to terms with their relationship, but she still felt an ounce of spite towards Robert after what he put Aaron through.

In Robert’s embrace, Aaron’s breathing had changed to very shallow and he was standing still. Robert peered over his shoulder to read the headline of the Newspaper. ‘Residents Of Emmerdale Pay Tribute To Those Lost In Terror Explosion’. There was a picture of all the flowers lined up around the Village Hall, along with pictures of Ruby, Val and Debbie.

The day Debbie died, Robert didn’t leave Aaron’s side. He, along with Chas and Paddy, agreed to stay with him incase he decided to do something dangerous. The distraught grief for his lost cousin left Aaron so broken and, with the unnecessary guilt on top, he struggled to bear it. A week later and he was getting better, but still fragile.

‘I can make us breakfast, if you’d like?’ Robert asked as Aaron walked out from his arms.

‘I’ll just have a coffee, thanks.’ Aaron kept his head down and rotated his arm around.

‘Well, we could go to the cafe together?’ Robert’s voice was soft and sweet. ‘Just sit and have a coffee - maybe even buy some breakfast cakes.’

Aaron lifted his head to look at Robert's sympathetic but gleaming eyes - he felt so lucky to have him. Aaron smiled for the first time in a while and, although it was only small, it warmed Rob’s heart all the way through. ‘Yeah.’

— — —

‘Your coffees, gentleman.’ Bob said, not quite as cheery as usual, but still warming. He placed the coffees on the table, where Aaron and Robert were sat. ‘Are you doing okay, Aaron?’

‘I am, yeah.’ Aaron shifted uncomfortably and distracted himself with the coffee mug. Robert shot a knowing looking at Bob, resulting him to leave.

‘I’m going to Val’s memorial at five.’ Robert shoved away the silence that Bob had left. ‘Paddy said that he’d like to meet you in the pub for a drink.’

‘What for?’ Aaron questioned, bluntly.

‘Just to chat.’

‘I don’t need someone to guard me all the time, Robert.’ His face was stern and hurtful.

‘Aaron-’

‘No, Robert!’ Aaron raised his voice a little. ‘I will come to the memorial with you or stay at home.’

‘I don’t want you to come. I think it will be a bit upsetting for you, especially because it will remind you of your loss.’ Robert paused. ‘You should only go to Debbie’s because… it’s all you can handle.’

‘Then I stay at home.’ Aaron’s tone suggested that the conversation had to end there. At that point Victoria came bounding through the door.

‘Rob! Aaron!’ Her voice is bright but her eyes seemed tired. A week after the disaster and she’s doing well, but still looking after Finn. Vic side hugs the boys together, kisses Robert on the cheek then pats a hand on Aaron’s shoulders. ‘How are you doing, Aaron?’

Aaron just grunts this time.

‘Do you miss Debbie? Finn says Pete isn’t coping well, and I know that I saw Cain your your Mum crying.’

Aaron cleared his throat and looked away from her. Robert’s glare on his sister wasn’t making her budge.

‘He’s grieving, Vic.’ Robert announced, sternly. Eventually his sister backed away and went to order her coffee. Robert turned to Aaron and rubbed his thumb across his knuckles. ‘Drink up, Aaron. We’ll go back home.’

— — —

At around three o’clock, Aaron fell asleep on the sofa. Robert was trapped underneath Aaron’s body and, even though he needed to get ready for Val’s memorial, he didn't want to leave Aaron’s warmth, or wake him up. Robert was delighted that Aaron was finally getting some sleep.

He tried, so slowly, to move his body out from under Aaron’s that he was barely moving. Unfortunately, Aaron stirred, right at the end of Robert’s escape. Robert kneeled down on the ground to shush Aaron back to sleep.

‘Where are you going?’ Aaron asked, groggily.

‘Getting ready. Do you want to come and help me chose a suit?’

Aaron hummed - unsure of whether the sleep was still close enough to pull back. ‘Yeah.’

Robert helped him up and kissed his temple on the way. When they got into the bedroom, Aaron chose the dark red suit and was asleep again in no time.

Robert was completely ready with an hour left to wait so he laid next to Aaron on the bed. As big spoon, he pulled Aaron close to him and closed his eyes, breathing him in. He wanted to stay like this forever: safe.

Alongside Aaron, Robert ended up falling asleep. When he woke up, his boyfriend was gone.

— — —

‘When did you wake up?’ Robert approached Aaron who was sitting at the island in the kitchen. ‘I didn't mean to fall asleep - my clothes will be all creased now.’

Aaron didn't reply and Rob noticed the newspaper was in front of him again. Robert re-read the headline: ‘Residents Of Emmerdale Pay Tribute To Those Lost In Terror Explosion’. Aaron re-read the headline: ‘Aaron Livesy, 22, Murders his own cousin’.

He felt the words whirling around his head and they swam deeper and deeper and deeper. Rob wanted to shake Aaron and reach inside his mind to stop whatever was bothering him; anyway, anytime.

‘Aaron!’ Robert’s voice was raised. He grabbed the newspaper and stuffed it into the bin. ‘Stop torturing yourself, do you hear me? You have done NOTHING wrong!’

‘I have.’ Aaron shouted back. ‘It’s my fault. I should have known about it all.’

‘You can’t change that.’ Rob walked closer to him.

‘Exactly!’ Aaron pushed Robert’s chest, sending him backwards. ‘I should’ve known about Debbie and Ross. I could have stopped it, then she wouldn’t have died unhappy and sorry.’

‘That’s ridiculous Aaron!’ Robert huffed. ‘You couldn’t even stop your own affair.’

‘Ridiculous?! Do you know what is ridiculous, Robert? The fact that you, and Mum, and Paddy don’t trust me enough to even grieve on my own. You are all latching on like leeches, afraid that I’m going to top myself. Well do you know what?’ Aaron paused, but left no room for answers. ‘I might as well!’

Robert stared at Aaron in disbelief. Aaron couldn't decide if he regretted his words. He knew how much Rob loved him and needed him, but Aaron was done with feeling like a burden. The blonde man still said nothing and just stared, horrified at his boyfriend.

‘Fine.’ Robert spoke quietly. ‘You can have time on your own, without me or anyone else. But, my goodness, think about your Mum, Paddy, Cain, Me and, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE, think about Debbie! You know how hard it is when someone dies, so wake up and start thinking about how we would feel if we lost you.’

Aaron looked back, his chin started to shake.

‘You have us, Aaron. Please just let us help you.’

‘You’re right.’ Aaron stiffened to stop his chin from quivering. ‘I have just lost someone and I know how hard it is. And all you can do is ask me to think about you?’

‘No. I’m not asking you to-’

‘Just go, Robert. You’re going to be late for the memorial.’ Aaron left the kitchen and slid into the bedroom, out of his partner’s sight.

— — —

On his way home from the memorial, Robert spotted Chas walking out of The Woolpack. She called him over.

‘How is Aaron?’ She asked. She saw him just as much as she did before he moved out but she wished it was always.

‘Err..’ Robert didn’t know. He felt like Aaron was too scrambled up to read. ‘We- He’s- Eh- We had a row.’

‘A row?’

‘Yeah, nothing big. He just… I-’

‘Should I speak to him?’ Chas interrupted.

‘No.’ Rob blurted instantly. He certainly didn't want Chas to start persuading Aaron to leave him. Robert needed to show her that he was able to fix Aaron. He walked away towards his car and sped down the lane to his home.

Upon arrival, Robert waited in the car, pondering how he could make it up to Aaron. He slowly opened the door, so quietly that Aaron wouldn’t be able to hear. He could hear sharp bursts of breaths echoing from the shared bedroom. Then a small whimper.

Swiftly but cautiously, Robert sashayed through to the bedroom. Aaron was sat on the bed, with his back facing Robert. His head turned in a bolt and exposed the streams of tears crawling down his cheeks. His eyes were red raw and his heart looked so visible and broken through his frown.

‘Aaron!’ Robert breathed out. He lurched himself over the mattress to take Aaron’s head in his hands.

Then he saw Aaron’s right hand. A blade held in between his forefinger and thumb, blood lining the sharp edge. Rob examined Aaron’s body frantically, tackling with his boyfriend. He found two small cuts on his abdomen and a large, bleeding delve between them.

‘Stop! Robert!’ Aaron called out, pushing the man’s hands away from where they were pulling and tugging at his clothes. He realised that Robert was crying and shaking. ‘It’s okay!’

‘NO IT’S NO OKAY!’ Robert’s voice screeched and bellowed through the flat, then contrasted the silence that followed. Robert’s expression dropped as he realised the fright that his scream had caused Aaron. As he reached for him, he begged. ‘No, no, no. I’m sorry. I’m- I didn’t mean- it’s okay. I’m sorry. Aaron?’

In a flash, Aaron bolted out of the bedroom, dropping the blade on the floor in the dark blood patch on the carpet. By the time Robert had acknowledged his absence, Aaron slammed the front door shut and was gone.

— — —

Nearing nine o’clock in the evening, Aaron hadn’t returned home. Robert left countless voicemail messages on his phone; Aaron never called back or answered them.

Robert had looked around every corner of the village and, with no sign of Aaron anywhere, he sat down at the bar in The Woolpack. Chas was serving drinks but Robert turned down her offer.

‘Are you alright, Robert? You look a bit shaken?’ Chas leaned over the bar, close to Rob, when she wasn’t pouring glasses. ‘Love?’

She was concerned as the frown on Robert’s face melted, growing deeper and sadder. But Robert ignored himself. ‘Yeah.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yeah.’ His voice was croaky and cracked.

‘Okay.’ She went off to serve a drink to people at the bar, still keeping an eye on Robert. Eventually she went back to him. ‘Where is Aaron?’

Robert slotted his face behind his large hands to hide his squeezed eyes and quivering lip. The tears surfaced underneath his fingers but Chas could still see his shoulders shaking.

‘Right. Doug?’ Chas called out the back, Doug came through to the doors instantly. ‘Can you look after the bar, please? Family stuff.’

Without waiting for Doug’s agreement, she gestured a crying Robert to follow her to the back room. He sat on the sofa and Chas rubbed his back as he let himself cry.

‘I- I don’t know where he is.’ Robert sobbed.

‘What? What do you mean?’ Chas whined’ ‘What has happened? Is he okay?’

‘I don’t know.’

‘Is it the row? Did he storm off?’

‘Sort of.’ Robert’s sobs were calming but still volatile.

‘What do you mean, ‘sort of’?’. Chas grew frustrated but knew she couldn’t push too far.

‘He- I found him…’ Robert struggled to say it. ‘He was- It’s my fault. I should’ve let him come with me.’

‘What did he do, Robert?’ Chas’ fury was going no where now; she needed answers.

‘He…’ The silence felt long and dragged out when Rob looked straight into Chas’ eyes. ‘He cut himself.’

The sting of those words was sent straight through the ears of both people. They reflected each other’s expressions of sadness. Robert continued:

‘I didn’t know what to do- I- I- I shouted at him and he just- he just left and I don’t know what to do!’ His sobs kicked up again, matching his beating breaths. He cried and cried until everything went dark. He just wanted his angel to come home.

— — —

‘Son?’ Diane’s voice stirred Robert. He woke up, uncomfortably, on the sofa in the back room of the pub. He felt heavy and his head pounded.

‘Robert.’ Chas’ voice opened his eyes and he looked at them sat opposite him. He gathered himself up into sitting position. ‘I rang the police, reporting a missing person. They can’t officially investigate until twenty-four hours after his last appearance, but Paddy and Marlon are out looking now. You can stay here whilst we wait for any feedback. But he’ll be okay.’

‘No, Chas.’ Robert said, shocking Chas. ‘He told me he wanted to go. He said he ‘might as well top himself’.'

‘What?’ Chas’ face dropped. ‘I need to know he’s okay. We need to stop him’

‘He won’t Robert. He’s got too much to lose.’

‘Too much to lose? He has too much to handle!’ Robert pleaded.At that point the phone rang.

Diane answered it. ‘Yes? She’s here.’

The phone got passed to Chas. ‘Hello. Yes.’ There was a long pause. ‘Okay. Okay I’m on my way.’

The phone was put down and Chas was dragging Rob out of the door by his wrists.

‘Aaron has been taken into hospital. Call Paddy and tell him, but get in the car!’ Chas shouted shoving him into the passenger seat. She hurled up the road to the hospital.

Rob called Paddy but couldn’t give out much information; he didn't know what was happening either. As soon as he got off the phone he required answers. ‘Chas, what happened?’

‘He was picked up in an alley, bleeding and struggling to breath. By the sounds of things, he’s opened his cuts and let himself bleed to the point where his blood levels got dangerously low. Someone called the ambulance and he’s getting treated.’ Her language was quick and frantic, her eyes focused on the road ahead.

Robert didn’t say a word. All he felt was an ounce of relief that Aaron was saved.

— — —

‘Aaron Livesy? We’re his mother and partner’ Chas asked the nurse who took them to his room. They weren’t allowed to see the young man just yet, but Robert could see how pale he looked.

‘His breathing is stabilised but we have to put him on oxygen due to the low levels of blood. He’s getting there. We’ve had the blood transfusion set up for a while now, so he’s receiving it back and gaining colour.’ The nurse smiled and it soothed Robert, he was so relieved to hear the news. ‘The cuts on his abdomen were patched up, they’ll scar and it’s really important that he doesn’t open them or cut them again. By noticing the existing scars, I assume he has a history of self harm?’

‘Yes.’ Chas confirmed.

‘We can provide support for those issues, but it’s important that you look out for him during this tough time. He needs a lot of love and support to get through this.’

Both Robert and Chas nodded along and the nurse vacated. They were eager to see Aaron but, so far, they could only watch him through the window.

An hour later, the nurse reappeared. ‘He could be waking up soon, so you can go in. Be careful because the transfusion will still be taking place and he’ll be fragile. We’ll keep him in for the rest of the night.’

Robert would’ve ran in if he wasn’t aware of his surroundings. Chas and him walked closer to Aaron, touching his skin around the tubes.

He woke up in the early hours of the morning and everyone cried. The transfusion went steadily and completed but he had to stay in the hospital bed to be monitored.

‘You had us so scared, Aaron.’ Chas told him, stroking his cheek.

‘I’m sorry.’ He spoke lightly. ‘I really am.’ Aaron turned his head over to Robert who smiled at him. The grip on each others hands tightened.

‘Aaron, I meant what I said,’ Robert spoke, ‘You have us and we are here for you. For each other. Please stop torturing yourself.’

‘I know. I was just scared. I love you.’ He glanced at Chas. ‘I love you both. And I’m sorry for saying that I would want to leave this life. I don’t - I was just angry.’

They all sat together, civil, and flattened out problems. Things began to turn right after that day.

Aaron did really well at Debbie’s memorial because he had everyone by his side. He trusted them and he opened up to them more about his feelings.

‘Thank you, Robert. I love you.’ Aaron told him when they arrived home.

Robert nuzzled his cheek and whispered in his ear, ‘I love you too.’

 

* * *

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**Author's Note:**

> It's my first fic :O 
> 
> I have no experience with Self Harm and I'm actually hella scared of Hospitals so... Any mistakes are my own.
> 
> Send me promts


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